If it hurts, it means that you still care.

I don't know what's bothering me past few days. I've been having sleepless night, wasted a lot of sighs, figuring out what is seriously bothering me. 

I just need this post to blog about what i feel tonight, i just can't help it anymore. I'm not trying to sound desperate in this post neither am i desperate in real-life. 

At this moment of time, almost all of my friends are having the time of their lifes having a partner right by their side but what about me? I'm still here all alone, not getting to feel what love is all about. What i'm trying to say is, i may look happy from my blog post, my life, my smiles but no one knows what kills me inside. 

A few months ago, i was with someone that is now a history in my life. I never thought he'd be someone whom i thought wouldn't be. He's the man of words but no actions. I just hate it when someone tries to console me with words but no actions is made at all. All promises made is just for the sake of saying. 

I'm pretty sure all girls out there has ever experienced a guy saying this to them "you'll be the last person i want to be in love with no matter what happens." But it turned out to be the other way round when everything's over between the both of you. It is so frustrating that this particular sentence will be stucked in my head forever. I just don't get it, i tried to get rid of this but i can't. 

It hurts so much to see myself in this state. Still thinking about what i've gone through. Yes true, i've moved on from my past but at some point of time, the memories will come back and i'll try my best to forget about it but i can't run away from the fact that this will be a permanent memory on my life. 

I just hate how guys can play around with words. I hate it so freaking much. 

Nobody will understand how i feel when i see all my friends being so happy having their partners right by their side. I had those moments before but i know, my instincts were right about it. That person that i used to be will find someone better than me. I'm not fit to be his Cinderella. 

I know, i may sound like a vain and evil lady, but every girl, every single one, will have a soft side in their heart. I may have said i moved on, but a part of me still cares its just that i'm fighting with that feeling against my happiness. I'm trying to make myself push all those feelings away slowly and make them vanish forever. 

Here goes a saying, "if it still hurts, means you still care." 

I personally think i've been so strong all this while. Just that tonight, i just can't take it anymore. I've promised myself that i'll keep myself strong in forgetting this and will try my best to forget about this, fully. 

If you're reading this, you know who you are, i wish you all the best in the future and i hope you'll find your true Cinderella one day. In order for me to find my happiness, i promise,  i'll try my very best to forget you. 

Let's hope for a better journey ahead of me. 

Till then, 

Your's Sincerely, 

Errah Athirah